God has been working hard on me. Little by little everything that my mom and sister have always said to me is resurfacing and this time God is opening my eyes and removing the veils. There are many things that I could go into so you would know what it's like when God grabs ahold of your spirit and wrings it out like a wet dish towel... Well, what the hay! ...
First, the number one priority of my God for my life is that I sit down with him for a couple of hours each day for a chat. I fell way behind in that when I used to say, “I'm a Christian.” I was forgiven and posessed the promise of life, but my relationship with Him was to say the least, lacking. There is a new place I've found that is the most precious of places, a place where my spirit will scream in frustration, sigh with a deep sense of peace, sing a love song to my beloved, or dance with a heart bursting with joy for being able to spend a moment with my Lord. It's a secret place, it's a special place, it's a place where distractions are not welcome or allowed. It's a place of glory and a place where power is born. If anyone feels without hope or without love, or if life simply lacks life ... I urge you to find that place and learn to love our faithful friend Jesus, our loving Father, and our ever-present Holy Spirit. I'm only beginning and my priorities have begun to change and my worries are beginning to ebb away, and a very real power has entered into my world.
A real life example of this power is still amazing me every time I stand up or sit down. After a 5 hour bike ride, my knee felt seriously abused and injured. Literally each time I stood up or sat down pain would shoot through it and with a horrible cracking sound and a movement of the knee cap that was highly abnormal, I considered withdrawing from the infamous Extreme Challenge. Last Saturday our challenge was a race, boys against girls, and the night before my knee was worse than ever. I discussed quitting with one of the girls and without making any decisions we went to bed. I couldn't sleep and an hour or so later my other leg (sans the knee problem) was wide awake and nerves were shooting energy through my leg making it want to twitch (restless leg syndrome). I got up knowing that I had to walk it off. I went out to our patio/garage and walked in circles for 10 minutes and had a short conversation with God. He asked why I was in the Extreme Challenge and if I was doing it for him or to impress the people in the ministry or for myself? I think I was originally doing it for others, then it became a personal challenge, and that night God asked again and again, “Why can't you do it for me? Don't you think I could give you strength to do anything? Why not this too?” A bit ashamed I decided first to run the race the next day, and second to do it with every step giving glory to my God.
I woke up with a still-sore knee. Before the race was to begin we went to a women's breakfast where Fran, the wife of pastor Denny from River of God Church gave a talk about the secret place where we could find our lover and friend and with freedom and love be able to worship and pass the time with Him... God saw fit to bless me with a fresh revelation of His love for me, the special love of a Father who wants to protect me from everything and heal every hurt. I began to claim His love for me, first that it cover my spirit and strengthen my soul, then that it would fulfill my heart's desires for a love real, faithful and true, and then I claimed that same love for my body. In tears because my spirit was overflowing with that love and my heart was bursting with this revelation, I became aware of an intense desire to dance before Him and shout my love for Him. I can't explain what happened next, but I felt that if I stood up at that moment that there would be no pain. Fran's talk ended with an alter call for prayer as she felt an impartation of the spirit of grace and supplication would be in accord with God's will for us that morning. I stood up to move to the front and not only was there no pain, it didn't make that horrendous cracking sound and the knee cap felt oddly in a different place (apparently the correct place). I felt an odd cushion that seemed to be bracing my knee from the inside and preventing that pain. There was a short time of worship where I was able to dance for my Lord and His mercies that are new every morning.
I shouldn't leave out the small detail that as we ran (11 minute miles) for 2 hours, 45 minutes of the way climbing a short mountain, I was still praising him and claiming his love for me in a special way - that His love would sustain my body, give me energy, take away muscle cramps or shortness of breath. Most of the time I felt I was flying and as though I could run for days... not once did I have a problem with my knees! A song in my head kept the rhythm and pace from faltering: “Jesus' love never fails me.” The main detail that I want to leave you with is that THE GIRLS WON THE RACE! Though we were given a substantial head-start the prediction was that the boys would pass us and win. Praise God for faulty predictions!
As I mentioned in my last blog prophecy is a big deal here and we practice it often, many times simply to excersize our spirits in that way. It's amazing what God does when we allow Him to use our spirits to minister to others. The most recent development in my case is that God wants to test my responsibility. I want to explain something: I lost the keys to our house and the keys and locks all need to be changed if we don't find them, I misplaced my favorite nalgene bottle and have been without my regular 2 liter daily intake of water, I turned in my USB with homework on it and can't remember if they gave it back to me or if that too is missing. Part of my homework is that I have to give two interviews that a couple of times I've had the chance to do and didn't. A personal challenge our Extreme Challenge slave-driver gave me was a project or a meeting planned by me and followed through. I planned a separate-the-boys-and-girls meeting so that I could talk openly and honestly to the girls about their role as women of God. Because of the same race that we won in the afternoon we were late to the meeting and though I had the chance to call and report I didn't call the youth pastor with whom I had planned the whole thing. By pure grace we arrived in time for the last worship song and the meeting began and I was able to give my talk. To top it off I've been waiting to do my homework until the last hours before it's due and been faltering in the area of excellence that is expected of us. I forget at least one important article each day, be it a notebook, my art supplies, a jacket or my tennis shoes. Basically, if I wasn't humble about my ability to keep track of things, keep myself in order and control halfway complicated situations, I sure am experiencing it now.
The prophecy part came today. One of my classmates has been praying for me specifically for the past week and occasionally God has revealed some things to him for me that are really uplifting and encouraging. Today he approached and without an introduction said, “God has heard your prayer and wants to bless you with the desire of your heart, but first He needs to test your responsibility and you need to work on that in order to handle the blessing He wants to give you.” I've been praying about my role at Esperanza Viva and if I do stay where would my position be. My heart leans pretty far towards the older girls and I sometimes will say that I wish I could stay and be their supervisor.
Responsibility. The Word does say that when we come to Christ the old is gone and new has come... My prayer is that my old irresponsible and careless self be gone and discipline and responsibility become my trademarks.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
These days...
First, I have to tell a story about a mountain. We are few that are still in the "extreme challenge," but we press on. Last Sunday after a mass baptism where I cried at least twice (32 or so people baptized in a giant plastic pool right next to a corral full of smelly cows), we packed up and left right after lunch to go climb the highest mountain in the state of Puebla. We drove for about 2 hours and arrived at the base of the mountain where they had planned also to camp out on top of a tarp (no tent). It was a little dirty but I thought, hey, no big deal, the rats aren't THAT big... So we laid out the tarp, everyone arranged their sleeping bags just so and put on their extra pair of socks as it was getting colder, and just when you think it's going to be a peachy camp-out, IT SNOWS. But I mean lighting-flashing, thunder cracking next to your eardrum, icy chunks of mountain 'snow' falling all over everything. We quickly covered everything with another tarp and went for refuge under a little ricketty building where they had previously been selling tacos. Under this roof we ate ramen noodles and waited out the storm. When it had calmed down we went to check out the damage and found a pile of slushy, wet, heavy snow where our tarp-tent used to be. Everything got wet.
Our solution was to take out the seats in the 2 vans and put them under the roof of the little ricketty building and sleep in the vans. We "slept" and had to wake up at 2am to start the climb upwards. We had all kinds of equipment... They've told me that the ministry is more than blessed and most of the stuff they have comes in donation-packages, the other lots of stuff comes from the family (apparently the pastor has family with moo-lah). We had alpinist climbing poles, the spikey foot-things that clamp onto your boots for when you get to glacier heights, and helmets with headlamps, ice picks -- the works.
We climbed for about 3 1/2 hours and came to a refuge in the middle of the mountain. The snow was deeper there and it was pretty much an incline with a little tiny carved out path the whole way up to this point. On the way we were blessed with the sight of a GIANT red and purple sky with a burning orange sun shining over the foggy mountainous horizon. Breathtaking (and not only because of the lack of oxygen).
Since my boots were wet and my feet frost-bitten, unfortunately I had to stay behind at the refuge as the others continued on. Two others stayed behind due to altitude sickness and (oops) we took advantage of body heat and made like sardines on the smelly camp-mats that are left there for the climbers. Almost crying because of cold feet and inability to sleep my friends Miguel and Aurora told me their life-stories. It was a bonding moment really...
The others didn't last too much longer and they tell me that no one made it to the glacier heights, but I was proud of Fabiola (teeny-tiny girl) who made it all the way to where the guides (pastor McNally and his son) decided to turn around. They turned around and when they made it back to the refuge (pooping and throwing up and whining about headaches) they found us in our sardine-position, poor, crying, almost-sleeping sardines, and immediately joined in (boys on one side and girls on the other). It was quite comical - maybe you had to be there.
We left, we came down the mountain, we ate and chatted on the way home. Around 6pm we arrived back to Cholula and had Josh (the son) drop us off at a "famous" family pizza place... I say "famous" because no one knows about it, but they make the BEST pizza Mexico has to offer. Tired, happy, and carrying 20lb packs and sleeping bags we returned to our house on foot to find no one was home and when they finally showed up we found the gas tank was empty (no hot water for showers)... Ahhhhhh Mexico. :)
I have to say that these days have been trying... There is a big fat rule here about no boyfriends and no going out together in "mixed" groups. Half of La Vina has left because my conscience couldn't take the pressure. While on the above mentioned trip we found out through a second-hand confession that 2 boys and 2 girls had gone to the movies together without permission. I found out on Tuesday and as I had heard that one of them was going to confess I gave her a day to do so. She didn't. Wednesday morning our leader, Rene, was even saying that if we're keeping secrets from them (the leaders) it's friendship in the flesh and we aren't being true brothers and sisters in the spirit if we allow them to break the rules. My conscience overtook me and I ended up saying to Rene that night at church, "find that girl and squeeze out information about what she did on Sunday." Instead of doing so, he squeezed it out of me. The next day all four of the evil-doers were packing to leave. We went from a measly class of 16 to 12. Truth be told, there is a profound sense of freedom, as though a weight has been lifted from La Vina.
Yesterday we had a class with Scott from a ministry in North Carolina called Morning Star. They are really in to the idea that everyone can profesy (1 Cor 14:31), and many of our excersizes have been focused on profecy (in other words, we've all been profesying over members of the church, over kids and leaders in the home, and over each other. This man came yesterday and told us to ask specifically for a spiritual experience (be it a dream, a vision, a visitation, etc). I wrote and prayed the rest of the day for a dream and specifically to be able to remember the details of that dream and that a spiritual being would appear and we would interact and have a conversation. When Scott went around the room asking what kind of experience we were going to pray for and he came to me, as I said it out loud a physical tingle came over my head, shoulders and chest, and he let out a "WooH! Did anyone else feel that? Wow." I didn't ask what it was he felt until after the class and he said he felt a tingling sensation (at the same time).
So last night I didn't have a dream. It was a bit crazier. I woke up a couple of times and the first two I fell back asleep praying for the dream again as I knew I hadn't dreamt anything. The third time I woke up I still had my eyes closed, but I could feel something in the room. I opened my eyes and moving just my eyes I looked around. I felt tense and tried to relax, but I couldn't. The presence continued in the room and I looked towards the door to the bedrooms where hangs a curtain and I saw a distinct light coming through the curtain. I suddenly felt a weird fear coming over me and tried to move. I couldn't move, my legs, arms and head felt like they were filled with sand or concrete. Not even a muscle could flex. The presence and the light continued and even though I was afraid to really see what it was (open my spiritual eyes) I said out loud, "show yourself!" I became more afraid and started thinking of all the times angels appeared in the Bible where they say "do not fear" and as I remembered them and declared them over me, the fear subsided and suddenly I felt the presence rush over my bed and the intensity of it was almost too much. It lasted a brief few moments and then left, and I fell back asleep.
This afternoon we had a profecy clinic where they began to profesy over the students... they told me that I would one day have a lot of responsibility in the Kingdom, that the road to my calling would be long and that I would have to be patient. Another confirmed it and said the most important thing now is that I rest in Him and wait on Him. One girl saw me as a sponge, that all that I'm learning now is being absorbed so that God will one day squeeze me out to affect other people.
After profesying over me they decided it was taking too much time to do it with just the leaders and they had those who had already been profesied over get up and start profesying over the left-overs. Holy cow, can I just say that the presence of the Holy Spirit in that room was way more than what I had experienced last night. I was constantly sensitive to the spirits of the others and constantly on the brink of tears, and God was telling me things about the people that only He would know.
Our solution was to take out the seats in the 2 vans and put them under the roof of the little ricketty building and sleep in the vans. We "slept" and had to wake up at 2am to start the climb upwards. We had all kinds of equipment... They've told me that the ministry is more than blessed and most of the stuff they have comes in donation-packages, the other lots of stuff comes from the family (apparently the pastor has family with moo-lah). We had alpinist climbing poles, the spikey foot-things that clamp onto your boots for when you get to glacier heights, and helmets with headlamps, ice picks -- the works.
We climbed for about 3 1/2 hours and came to a refuge in the middle of the mountain. The snow was deeper there and it was pretty much an incline with a little tiny carved out path the whole way up to this point. On the way we were blessed with the sight of a GIANT red and purple sky with a burning orange sun shining over the foggy mountainous horizon. Breathtaking (and not only because of the lack of oxygen).
Since my boots were wet and my feet frost-bitten, unfortunately I had to stay behind at the refuge as the others continued on. Two others stayed behind due to altitude sickness and (oops) we took advantage of body heat and made like sardines on the smelly camp-mats that are left there for the climbers. Almost crying because of cold feet and inability to sleep my friends Miguel and Aurora told me their life-stories. It was a bonding moment really...
The others didn't last too much longer and they tell me that no one made it to the glacier heights, but I was proud of Fabiola (teeny-tiny girl) who made it all the way to where the guides (pastor McNally and his son) decided to turn around. They turned around and when they made it back to the refuge (pooping and throwing up and whining about headaches) they found us in our sardine-position, poor, crying, almost-sleeping sardines, and immediately joined in (boys on one side and girls on the other). It was quite comical - maybe you had to be there.
We left, we came down the mountain, we ate and chatted on the way home. Around 6pm we arrived back to Cholula and had Josh (the son) drop us off at a "famous" family pizza place... I say "famous" because no one knows about it, but they make the BEST pizza Mexico has to offer. Tired, happy, and carrying 20lb packs and sleeping bags we returned to our house on foot to find no one was home and when they finally showed up we found the gas tank was empty (no hot water for showers)... Ahhhhhh Mexico. :)
I have to say that these days have been trying... There is a big fat rule here about no boyfriends and no going out together in "mixed" groups. Half of La Vina has left because my conscience couldn't take the pressure. While on the above mentioned trip we found out through a second-hand confession that 2 boys and 2 girls had gone to the movies together without permission. I found out on Tuesday and as I had heard that one of them was going to confess I gave her a day to do so. She didn't. Wednesday morning our leader, Rene, was even saying that if we're keeping secrets from them (the leaders) it's friendship in the flesh and we aren't being true brothers and sisters in the spirit if we allow them to break the rules. My conscience overtook me and I ended up saying to Rene that night at church, "find that girl and squeeze out information about what she did on Sunday." Instead of doing so, he squeezed it out of me. The next day all four of the evil-doers were packing to leave. We went from a measly class of 16 to 12. Truth be told, there is a profound sense of freedom, as though a weight has been lifted from La Vina.
Yesterday we had a class with Scott from a ministry in North Carolina called Morning Star. They are really in to the idea that everyone can profesy (1 Cor 14:31), and many of our excersizes have been focused on profecy (in other words, we've all been profesying over members of the church, over kids and leaders in the home, and over each other. This man came yesterday and told us to ask specifically for a spiritual experience (be it a dream, a vision, a visitation, etc). I wrote and prayed the rest of the day for a dream and specifically to be able to remember the details of that dream and that a spiritual being would appear and we would interact and have a conversation. When Scott went around the room asking what kind of experience we were going to pray for and he came to me, as I said it out loud a physical tingle came over my head, shoulders and chest, and he let out a "WooH! Did anyone else feel that? Wow." I didn't ask what it was he felt until after the class and he said he felt a tingling sensation (at the same time).
So last night I didn't have a dream. It was a bit crazier. I woke up a couple of times and the first two I fell back asleep praying for the dream again as I knew I hadn't dreamt anything. The third time I woke up I still had my eyes closed, but I could feel something in the room. I opened my eyes and moving just my eyes I looked around. I felt tense and tried to relax, but I couldn't. The presence continued in the room and I looked towards the door to the bedrooms where hangs a curtain and I saw a distinct light coming through the curtain. I suddenly felt a weird fear coming over me and tried to move. I couldn't move, my legs, arms and head felt like they were filled with sand or concrete. Not even a muscle could flex. The presence and the light continued and even though I was afraid to really see what it was (open my spiritual eyes) I said out loud, "show yourself!" I became more afraid and started thinking of all the times angels appeared in the Bible where they say "do not fear" and as I remembered them and declared them over me, the fear subsided and suddenly I felt the presence rush over my bed and the intensity of it was almost too much. It lasted a brief few moments and then left, and I fell back asleep.
This afternoon we had a profecy clinic where they began to profesy over the students... they told me that I would one day have a lot of responsibility in the Kingdom, that the road to my calling would be long and that I would have to be patient. Another confirmed it and said the most important thing now is that I rest in Him and wait on Him. One girl saw me as a sponge, that all that I'm learning now is being absorbed so that God will one day squeeze me out to affect other people.
After profesying over me they decided it was taking too much time to do it with just the leaders and they had those who had already been profesied over get up and start profesying over the left-overs. Holy cow, can I just say that the presence of the Holy Spirit in that room was way more than what I had experienced last night. I was constantly sensitive to the spirits of the others and constantly on the brink of tears, and God was telling me things about the people that only He would know.
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