Jeez I Got A Lot To Learn...

I decided two things. That the previous post only humbles me further in that I have a lot to learn about prudence and humility. 

My attitude that day was inexcusable.  My authorities are there because God put them there, and indeed whatever impression they have of me is because I talk too much. And whatever erred opinions they harbor with regard to me is because I talk too little. 

God is teaching me about deference toward them, as well as prudence with my words.  My last post did not reflect a humble spirit, it reflected a wounded one, and my first mission (as stated to the right) is to turn the eyes and hearts of people toward God, good, and charity.  Instead I turned them toward myself and wished to provoke pity for myself. 

Humility, as defined in the Word, is to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit" (Phil 2). I chose to leave my last post where it is to remind myself of a few things: 

1. We cannot retract what we say - what is done is done whether we "delete" it or not
2. Life is a learning experience - I can still hit "delete" on yesterdays failures, and move forward in Christ
3. Mostly to remind myself to push forward with my mission - directing people towards God

Instead of making this blog another serenade to myself, I'd like to say that it's wonderful to know a God Who allows new mercies every morning, Who loves us infinitely and in spite of ourselves, and Who is always willing to teach a willing heart.

My apologies.

Humbled Again... Again

I have been humbled by a variety of things this past week. Welcome to my blog. It should be called The Open Book.

1. We went to Cuernavaca again, and I was humbled by my utter lack of knowledge with respect to scripture. I sometimes will (*shudder) compare myself to others and think, "No, I'm okay. I at least know the facts about x,y,z." I found out this weekend that this is no way to measure knowledge.

2. I opened up to some people who I trust, who in turn repaid me with unkindness, or at least did not do me the courtesy of believing me to be sincere. As a result my reputation has been disparaged in the eyes of my leaders. I feel conflicted about explaining things or letting it be.

3. One of my leaders recommended that I ask my leaders, "What areas of my life need improvement?" So, in a natural response, I posed this question to this same leader. He let it slip that my superiors view me as disorganised and therefore sometimes overlook me for certain tasks, even though my creativity is fit for it.

4. Lately I'm wondering why my heart has grown a little (*shudder) complacent with my relationship with God. I find it easy to fall into the fast-food mentality: desiring an experience quick. When it gets to hard - like having to cook or press into prayer - I tend to give up.  I'm stuck with the desire for more, but with not enough resolve to press in with perseverance.

5. I'm no good with sensitive people. My correction sometimes doesn't turn out sounding very loving, and I say things without thinking them through more often than I'd like to admit.

I may be living in what David Sliker called "divine tension" when I say I feel that my faults are both positive and negative. I should be thankful for my lack of ability because this is where God will supply, and I also sense that this lack of ability is an area God expects me to improve on - with His help.

Maybe it sounds like normal stuff, things that I shouldn't sweat about, but if I'm sweating, there must be a reason for said perspiration.

If you have a minute or two to pray for all the above, mention me to our Father and we'll see if there's any improvement in the next few weeks.