16 days and counting....

And so the jitters begin...

Usually when I leave home - my safe place - there is no overwhelming feeling of worry, panic or doubt. It's true I haven't left home for more than 3 weeks at a time so this is different. Really different. 7 and 1/2 months different. No M.A.S.H. or Matlock after a hard days' play... No ants on a log for a snack... no tampons? These are the things that plague my mind and cause me to lose sleep at night. Does this make me heartless? No family, no familiar faces, no good pastors, no professors to schmooze, no known streets and sidewalks, smells, restaurants, hangouts... my bed... MY BED

The more I think about it though, surprisingly, the less I worry, panic and doubt. This is either a good omen that this is where I am supposed to be in life, or a big fat warning sign that I am too naiive to do this by myself.

It's a funny thing too I feel that all - ALL - my friendships are strained and distanced now. It's like this surreal 'get-ready-cuz-now-you're-all-alone-in-the-world' feeling that doesn't seem to want to go away. The relationships that seem to have gotten a little thicker since the acercamiento of my departure date are those I have with my immediate family. My twin brother, my oldest brother, my sister, my mom.... It's like we know that there won't be as many moments that we have with all of us together so the ones we have now are treated a little differently than they used to be. With Nanners going to Africa, Enrique to Iraq, Madodi in a serious relationship with a guy whose family lives in Belarus, and me leaving for Argentina - I think these moments are soon to be much more rarified than before.

I think the danger in posting your life online is that people tend to get dark and "angsty" - as I've heard it called by La Espia T. Isn't it sad that only sadness is interesting to us anymore?

Well, today I am going against the proverbial grain. My thoughts are on flowers and rainbows and sunshine - until they die, it's too dry, and clouds cover the sky.