Well, I've started the journey of fulfilling my lifelong dream of going abroad, living like a citizen of a totally different culture and learning the language. It hasn't been difficult to do all of the above, but since I've made my way so far down this path, it has made me wonder about the path I will be taking, oh, 4 months from now. I have tuition to pay, degrees to earn, a job to find, a car to buy... but these have nothing to do with my dream. I've realized only recently that I have lost sight of that dream I began to fantasize about when I turned 11 years-old and I started writing my first journal.... Well, really it has boiled down to Emily-is-freaking-scared of failing at something and even more afraid of being rejected. I feel encouraged to write and continue writing for the rest of my life, but I have not yet worked up the courage to even figure out how the publishing process works!
I did work up the courage to write just a small portion of what will become a beautiful travel story, but after the 5th line I became overwhelmed with this fear... a fear of my only real dream in life becoming nothing but a memory of a failed attempt at accomplishment. I have the partial story sitting always open on the desktop of my computer, but everytime I look at the thumbnail I get the same feeling. Overwhelming fear, a tightness in my chest, a rising in my throat like choking, a flutter in my stomach...
I will resume the story, I continue to promise myself, which is why I keep the work in progress open on my desktop. I think this will be an easy obstacle to overcome, but since it is fresh it is only now difficult to handle.
1 comment:
write the story while you are fresh, take my word for it, a million stories in my mind have slipped away because I had the same fear.
-molly
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