Sunday, October 28, 2007

A small committment

I've been in touch with some of the folks from the orphanage and it's been more than encouraging to know that there are one or seventeen people out there who know my state of mind and share the same idea of Jesus. A wonderful example is M. She is the picture of what I hope my path will lead me to be. She wrote the faith statement below and I asked if I could adopt it as my own.

MI COMPROMISO COMO JOVEN CRISTIANO

Yo soy parte de los que no serán avergonzados nunca. Tengo el poder del Espíritu Santo. Mi suerte ha sido echada y he cruzado la línea divisoria; he tomado la decisión: Soy un discípulo de Jesús. No cedo, ni retrocedo, ni disminuyo la velocidad, ni me detengo, ni miro hacia atrás.

Mi pasado ha sido redimido, mi presente es bueno y mi futuro esta seguro. He cesado con el vivir la vida ligera, he terminado con el pasear como turista por la experiencia humana, con los placeres pequeños, con el tener las rodillas suaves, con los sueños en blanco y negro, con las visiones limitadas, con el hablar mundano, la tacañería al dar y con el posponer los proyectos para otra ocasión.

Ya no requiero de la adulación de la gente, ni me domina la ambición por cosas materiales, no necesito ser reconocido a la fuerza, ni me inquieta el no ganar concursos de popularidad. No tengo que tener la razón, ni ser el primero, ni ser alabado, considerado o recompensado. Ahora vivo por la Fe, me apoyo en Dios, camino pacientemente, me levanta el ánimo la oración y me apasiona trabajar para el Señor.

Mi rostro está afirmado, mi pulso es firme, me destino el cielo; el camino es angosto, los acompañantes pocos.

Mi guía confiable, la misión clara. No puedo ser sobornado, ni desviado, ni derrotado. Fracasan los que intentan detenerme. No me intimida el sacrificio, no me agotan los reverses, ni el enemigo me hace vacilar. No entro en negociaciones de paz con el adversario, ni me siento en su mesa, ni medito en sus éxitos, ni me atrae su mediocridad.

No me rendiré, no callaré, ni cesaré hasta que haya perseverado totalmente, orado sin cesar y gastado mi vida en servir a Dios. Yo soy un discípulo de Jesucristo. Debo ir hasta que Él regrese, dar hasta que lo haya dado todo, predicar hasta que todos sepan y trabajar hasta que Él me detenga y cuando Él regrese por los suyos, no tendrá dificultad en reconocerme, mi estandarte estará reluciente.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Speaking of homesick

I began reading for this class that I have, just after coming home from this Mexico experience. I think my mind has done a 180 along with my life... Everything I come into contact with seems to be meant for me. The funny part is I'm nearly constantly praying that God will steady Himself in my mind and heart. I read this poem and couldn't help feeling homesick again. It also happens to compare in almost every characteristic to the book of Solomon.


La noche oscura

[ Canciones del alma que se goza de haber llegado al
alto estado de la perfección, que es la unión con Dios,
por el camino espiritual. ]

En una noche oscura,
con ansias en amores inflamada,
(¡oh dichosa ventura!)
salí sin ser notada,
estando ya mi casa sosegada.

A oscuras y segura,
por la secreta escala disfrazada,
(¡oh dichosa ventura!)
a oscuras y en celada,
estando ya mi casa sosegada.

En la noche dichosa,
en secreto, que nadie me veía,
ni yo miraba cosa,
sin otra luz ni guía
sino la que en el corazón ardía.

Aquésta me guïaba
más cierta que la luz del mediodía,
adonde me esperaba
quien yo bien me sabía,
en parte donde nadie parecía.

¡Oh noche que me guiaste!,
¡oh noche amable más que el alborada!,
¡oh noche que juntaste
Amado con amada,
amada en el Amado transformada!

En mi pecho florido,
que entero para él solo se guardaba,
allí quedó dormido,
y yo le regalaba,
y el ventalle de cedros aire daba.

El aire de la almena,
cuando yo sus cabellos esparcía,
con su mano serena
en mi cuello hería,
y todos mis sentidos suspendía.

Quedéme y olvidéme,
el rostro recliné sobre el Amado,
cesó todo, y dejéme,
dejando mi cuidado
entre las azucenas olvidado.

Homesick

I came home from Mexico a few days ago. They say you should always write as things happen because the impression of juicy wears off. I disagree. I think the impression has been pushing its way through my heart, through to the core of my whole self, and through to my spirit... with each morning I wake up I feel this impression deeper and deeper...

I knew that God had it in for me, but I didn't know for what and I didn't know for when. It's funny, I was always the one who tried to convince myself that I loved the things that only fascinated me the way a shiny object fascinates a cat (only temporarily, and its just an illusion of beauty, not beauty itself), but there have only been two everlasting passions in my life, a third if you count my Jesus: 1) spanish and the latino culture and 2) writing. I sometimes dislike admitting that writing is a passion, especially on a blog, since I feel humbled by my mediocre talents. But if I were honest with myself and with God, I'll have to stick to my guns on this one.

Mexico was ... indiscribable. There is something about being able to look into the eyes of nearly a hundred children with nothing but love and acceptance in their eyes - for you - its hard to believe that anyone would think to leave that treasure behind or make decisions that would lead them to the jail cells that separate them from their children. But then, if they weren't sent to Esperanza Viva, it's likely they never would have developed that natural glow of the love of Jesus inside them shining more brilliant than any light.

I was able to share with the older kids (13-18) on one of the last evenings just what the impact of their lives had been on me. I couldn't hold it in any longer! I began a little rusty, but it had been more than a week since we showed up with light gear, flashy gadgets and glowing doohickies. Our theme for the week was Shine for Jesus. We came with the idea of teaching this concept to them. I became emotional, which I discovered is supposed to be a gift from God, and began to confess that at least for my part, I learned more from them about the Light of Jesus in them then I ever could have dreamed of teaching.

It was emotional, spiritual, and life-changing, and I know that there will be challenges and the world to distract me from what I know God has appointed me for: Mexico. However, I will be praying daily and diving a little deeper everyday into the Word and practicing my church-terms in spanish until I hear orders from the Jefe that it's time to go.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Am I lying???

Ok, I admit, I've been sounding a lot like a hypocondriach except I'm constantly sick ... uh, life-wise. Today, the day, I was rushing through portugues, my exam, my paper(s), my school-related posts, etc... and I'm now to the point where all of its importance has diminished a little bit and turned into what it really is: a regular ol' life. I finished most of the work, sure I have some things to finish and others to start, but with any luck and a little God, I think I'll handle it all and maybe with a little grace by midnight tonight.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

How to Explode in a Week or Less

This week has been the clincher: I'm the biggest doofus to roam this planet. First, I'd like to say that there has been a lot on my mind. My sister is getting married and I'm the maid of honor, my brother is in Iraq, I don't have a job and I'm in a world of debt from school loans, my fiancee is 4 million miles away and my mom suddently decided she didn't quiiite approve of the plan to - you know, MARRY my fiancee, on top of it all I have midterms the week before I'm supposed to spend 10 days in Mexico with less-fortunate orphan children. So as you can see, a lot going on in my life now, lots of things to occupy my mind and make me create unlikely run-on sentences!

Starting two weeks ago I was dropped at my favorite bus stop on a chilly morning and taking my handy-dandy Argentina leather jacket with me headed out to conquer the world - or at least Hispanic Literature. An hour later, hot and hungry I stop by a place that I assumed would automatically become my favorite lunch-spot since it serves sushi and bubble tea. I order my sushi and bubble tea and sit down, placing my prized jacket on the back of my chair. Long story short, the sushi was waaaaaay below par and when I got up to leave I twisted out of my chair, tray in hand and breezed out the door, rushed to the bus stop and halfway home.... Shiiiiiiiiiit! I left my lovely, black, highly inexpensive leather blazer hanging like a big piece of juicy cow-skin candy for anyone to help themselves. Stranded on the bus, I 411ed the place and begged the manager to see if it was still hanging on its gourmet candy display... no.

A week later, I'm stressing out and thinking all has simply gone wrong in the world - at least the world surrounding events in my life - and my dad blesses my socks off with this lovely flash drive.... a 512er and... *holding back a tear... one day last week in the language lab, in a hurry to write a paper and a bit late to class, distracted by a classmate, I left it there. Sticking out of the computer's USB port like a big chunk of licorice for the first unsuspecting gluttonous fat-kid bully to pull it out and take it home to mistreat or over-eat it or whatever.

Then a few days ago (this one, thank God, has a happy ending), my sister was gracious enough to give me a ride to my favorite bus stop... again. I hop out of the car, umbrella in hand, and wildly wave the bus down while trying to dig in my wallet for my bus pass.... wait, my bus pass? Where was the stupid thing? Not in my wallet!?! Since when? Dejected, sad, slowly breaking down, a little wet and late for class, I waved the bus on by and with my head hanging dangerously low, slodged my way the 15 blocks to my class.

Some people say I'm just a whiner... I say I'm cursed. PRAY EVERYONE! For meeeeeee

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.