Homesick

I came home from Mexico a few days ago. They say you should always write as things happen because the impression of juicy wears off. I disagree. I think the impression has been pushing its way through my heart, through to the core of my whole self, and through to my spirit... with each morning I wake up I feel this impression deeper and deeper...

I knew that God had it in for me, but I didn't know for what and I didn't know for when. It's funny, I was always the one who tried to convince myself that I loved the things that only fascinated me the way a shiny object fascinates a cat (only temporarily, and its just an illusion of beauty, not beauty itself), but there have only been two everlasting passions in my life, a third if you count my Jesus: 1) spanish and the latino culture and 2) writing. I sometimes dislike admitting that writing is a passion, especially on a blog, since I feel humbled by my mediocre talents. But if I were honest with myself and with God, I'll have to stick to my guns on this one.

Mexico was ... indiscribable. There is something about being able to look into the eyes of nearly a hundred children with nothing but love and acceptance in their eyes - for you - its hard to believe that anyone would think to leave that treasure behind or make decisions that would lead them to the jail cells that separate them from their children. But then, if they weren't sent to Esperanza Viva, it's likely they never would have developed that natural glow of the love of Jesus inside them shining more brilliant than any light.

I was able to share with the older kids (13-18) on one of the last evenings just what the impact of their lives had been on me. I couldn't hold it in any longer! I began a little rusty, but it had been more than a week since we showed up with light gear, flashy gadgets and glowing doohickies. Our theme for the week was Shine for Jesus. We came with the idea of teaching this concept to them. I became emotional, which I discovered is supposed to be a gift from God, and began to confess that at least for my part, I learned more from them about the Light of Jesus in them then I ever could have dreamed of teaching.

It was emotional, spiritual, and life-changing, and I know that there will be challenges and the world to distract me from what I know God has appointed me for: Mexico. However, I will be praying daily and diving a little deeper everyday into the Word and practicing my church-terms in spanish until I hear orders from the Jefe that it's time to go.