Swept off my feet

There are times in our lives, moments, days that we simply never want to forget - or that we wish would never end. There are few days, few moments in mine that have measured up or that have provoked that desire in me. Yesterday was one of those few. It wasn't "just" another experience - I don't even like that word, experience. I went to the Rock, I tried hard to get there first of all and a few obstacles arose that discouraged me, and God's blessing never fails me. I feel the significance of His paying attention to me almost daily now. I finally arrived - though a bit late and the moment I planted myself in from of the chair, after a little less than a week of a somewhat faltering fast I suppose made me vulnerable to the presence of God.

As soon as the first words of the song were in the air, I was awed into silence. I wanted to sing, I wanted to express. I couldn't. I was still, listening to the voices carrying God's praises. My heart sang, my soul felt, my spirit simply fell face down in adoration. The overwhelming sense of His love was nearly a physical weight in my heart and my feelings released the way they always do -- with tears. My heart cried out, again and again I devoted myself to His work, His will, His heart. I crave more.

I could write for hours and try to describe the sensation, the purest desire to love God with all that I am, my actions, my behaviour, my decisions, my ALL-all. Not just my regular "all."

This intense feeling of love washing over me and the intense desire to return that love, to throw myself at the mercy of His hand and his heart, all made me think: what man exists in this world who could even begin to tempt me to divide my attention?? The Bible tells me that marriage obliges a man to divide his attention - "one-for-God, one-for-you." I don't know that there is anyone out there who is worth that.

I am officially swept off my feet!!

What an occupation can do

It's so incredible that after almost 2 years of idleness I will be starting a whole new work life, and after only 2 days of training I enjoy the material, know the basics and have memorized several of the imperative details. I never knew so much rides on this thing we call the Market, and I definately didn't know that there were so many Acts of congress, rules, laws, regulations and acronyms involved...

But that's not why I sit down to my beloved blog tonight. There has been a lot on my mind in recent weeks, and these past few days have been spent trying to orient my brain and my heart. I don't think I've been successful in this, but I do know one brand new original thing that I'm sure I and everyone else already knew: those flutteries in your middle don't mean you're in love. How do I know? I got those feelings today and I can't be in love, but I can say that when I saw what I saw to make my middle all fluttery, all I wanted to do was throw myself at...

Columbia.

Ok, now everyone is wondering, 'what the heck?' Me too!! I wonder how I can watch 20 minutes - the leftovers - of an hour long special on Columbian travels and get all bent out of shape, emotional, excited, pumped to go there ..and then the next hour long special is on Chile (of all places least desired to visit in the world except to get to Easter Island) and practically nod off into my own drool with boredom.

What is it then? Adventure? Mystery? The suposed "forbidden-ness" of the country? Really, I wanted to meet the people, talk, understand the culture so well obscured; discuss politics, religion, God, philosophy, sorrow and joy, and most of all, their experiences as victims unable to step even outside their own neighborhood without the fear of being murdered. But even more than that, I want to immerse myself in it, become a part of it, live it, understand it not from good conversation, but from experience.

Am I crazy? probably.
Will I do it? doubtful.
And the flutteries? likely they will go away.
So what then? I'll have to orient my brain and my heart first.

Definitions

I watched Batman Returns the other night and one of those movie catch phrases stuck with me. "Often it's not who you are inside, but what you do that defines you." That sticks with someone who wants to do a lot but has a lot of trouble picking up momentum. So, the big question remains... what the hell am I doing?

Mostly I'm reading a lot, entertaining and disciplining a 4 and 7 year old, watching MASH, planning for a 5 day camping trip I'm taking next week, and looking forward to every Thursday, Friday and Sunday every week. On a scale of "nothing-to-something" I'd say I'm up to about 40% something and the rest nothing. I'd like to get some more something.