Heartbleed

Work, learn, reach, strive, cry, pick up, put together, come apart, pray, smile, sing, trust,... the rollercoaster of my heart these days. The discipline of my Father can be a little trying... I want a break, a vacation, I want a whole day just me, Him, my Bible and my breathing lungs. A muzzle on the world is not the worst idea I've heard, and if I had my day of rejuvenation and renewal I might come back with just a bit more hope, a bit more faith, a bit less fear and a bit less stress. I can't wait for Faithwalkers...

Favorite quotes

Quoting reputed authors is not only necessary for the preservation of culture, but also for the preservation of intelligence and good quality conversation. I came from a recent conversation with some people about particular authors, namely Paul of the Bible and Plato. This conversation was not only enlightening but it taught me that there are too few conversations that actually stimulate my brain cells into action and want to know even more of what the world of our grandfathers thought like. How is it that the power of the mind can cure itself of mental affliction and we still suffer from bi-polar disorder? I wish I could say that it wasn't an issue in our ancestor's time, but the glaringly obvious example of Saul strikes that one out.

One author will always be a favorite with me, though she doesn't write with a particular philosophical air she does write with a measure of wisdom (I don't mean myself -- yet). Jane Austen once wrote:

"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it."

This quote became a favorite when I went through a series of disappointments and realized that people are not the rock on which I can lean when I'm in trouble.

And then there's my burning desire to do something big. I feel like I was created for something special -- mostly because I can't stand the thought of becoming something mediocre. God created me and drew up a blue print of my life and has my wiring figured out... yet I stop more than periodically to wonder if my life, who I am, what I'm doing, my mindset, my relationships with people, my love, my sacrifice (Rom 12:1), my decisions; is any of it worth Calvary? Or will I eventually become another one of those of whom I cannot think well?

Heartflutters

Unfortunately our culture has so desensitized my excitement molecules that whenever I think of something exciting and in some cases DO something exciting it's not enough to cause those heartflutters of passion for doing that thing unless my life is at risk. I don't mean to say that risking my life should be fun, I'm only saying that movies and high expectations for entertainment these days has caused an extreme increase in demand for all things thrilling.

I'm thinking of one particular thrill and when I think of this thing that I have only wanted to desperately do for the past week or so, my heart begins to float with excitement. I can hardly keep my butt in my chair when I think about ...

...travelling to Colombia.

I know, I've read it all, heard all the warnings and know all the risks. Just give me a year or two in Bogota and I'll be satisfied. My heart will no longer flutter, the desensitization will return. I'm not saying that I will go... in all probability I will think incessantly about it until my head explodes and later I won't give it a second thought. But until then, my 'Google history' will be cluttered with facts, currency exchange, travel tips and statistics on paramilitary infiltrations and terrorist attacks. Who knows? Maybe I will convince myself that the hype isn't enough to keep me away...

(SIDENOTE: this was written in a moment when I had completely forgotten about the previous blog, written less than a month ago... I forgot about the travel show, I hadn't thought about Colombia seriously since then, and the "crush" returned... whoa! Is it a sign? Guess it's time to pray...)