What do you say to that?

Like many, I have my own excuses and justifications for everything that has gone wrong. I lost control of my own life a long time ago as I have been doing exactly what missionary Jerry McNally told me to make sure I never do: "You'll find you've just been waiting for life to happen to you." Riding the wave. He warned me that if I did, years later I would look back and think, "So I've done nothing."

I'm looking back, now. And I frequently wonder how much time I have left to change this sickly pattern.

Pastor Bob Merrit mentioned once in a message one Sunday two simple, powerful words: "Do something."

This has almost daily accosted my mind.

McNally's wife, Susy, was a little more encouraging. After confessing to her that I couldn't see the light at the end of my proverbial tunnel, she smiled at me empathetically and said, "2010 will bring new things for you."

I felt when she said this she Somehow really knew things would be different. If you've noticed, I've taken this to heart and my list of goals is not so much a New Year's "resolution" (to me that is a strong word), but a chewable guideline.

My mentor, Jamie, in a phone conversation said to me, "If you're still here in five years I'm going to have to beat you up," or something to that effect.

I would beat myself up long before five years have passed.

Even a potential beau reluctantly admitted to me that (one) reason he couldn't openly pursue me is because of my many dreams, that he "Didn't want me to settle."

(Firstly, I thought it was the classic, it's-not-you-it's-me schpeal) But, while at the time I highly regarded this man, and protested his statement, I've since discovered the justice in it. Affection could not make me forget what I've been dreaming about for fifteen years... Eventually, I would have harbored some little resentment.

Lastly, a missionary to Poland, Jack Stockdale, mentioned my church affiliation's mantra: Go, and make disciples of all nations. I can still hear the indignance in his voice, I believe of a righteous kind, when he said, "So why, then, is the default to stay?" Meaning almost no one becomes a Christ-follower, reads that verse, and "Goes." As a missionary struggling to win some of the hardest hearts in all of Europe I think his statement, while biased, is justified.

Although, do not misunderstand, God has placed Home on the hearts of many mission-minded people. Even so, in general, we tend to overlook our duty as followers of Christ, even to our own "Jerusalem." We tend to ignore the call of the Great Commission whether we are fearfully justifying our home-staying, or blatantly refusing to do what we ought.

So What?

I think what I want you to come away with is that the words of leaders, pastors, mentors, or people we are especially inclined to listen to are powerful. But their wisdom is made a mockery by our complaisence and apathy - especially when we know their words are Truth, and that they come from a Source much greater than themselves.

Pray for me.

New Leaf

My earthly Goals for 2010:

1. Publish at least three pieces, no matter what they are.

2. Sell at least one photo.

3. Pay off all debt by the end of May.

4. Work on developing my business (website, networking, building rep).

5. Travel to at least one country by myself.

It's not Real

A conference I recently went to, Faithwalkers, made me think on the subject of life after death, and life here on earth. First, I'd like to point out that on top of discussions, some songs, and a book I'm reading, I also happen to have this particular relationship with Jesus that heightens the following sentiments.

I dislike being here. I don't enjoy being forced to meander about in this body and disappoint myself and watch others like me living in a general state of pitiable fleshliness.

I comfort myself with the sole fact that it isn't real. Let me explain, because clearly things like pain, lonliness, and failure are very real. I feel I can endure these things for just a little while longer because in a few eternally measured minutes it will be over, like a bad dream.

My nephew, 8, was contemplating being a grandfather someday and my only reply was, "Just give it a minute." In a minute we'll all be asked to measure our lives against holiness, perfection. We have control over this dream, we can make happen what will, we can prevent, cause, destroy, build up, and live however we want. When we wake up, the decisions we've made will be measured against true reality. If we choose to ignore Reality in this life, we will be forced into an eternity of very real disappointment, pain, and failure. And these sentiments on earth will be a mere shadow of those felt far beyond the end of time.

The reality is that this body is imperfect and I will not be allowed to wake up to Heaven unless I acknowledge in my dream that Heaven is real. That I am weak, that I have nothing, am nothing, can never hope to be anything unless Christ, the One Reality, makes me perfect enough to live with Him. No one else can do that.

Anyone who disagrees has not taken an honest look at his own heart. I cannot be the only one who feels this wretched as a human. My only joy comes from knowing that I am loved, cleansed, and having acknowledged with my lips that Christ is the only Way I have eternity to look forward to, not to dread.