RECENTLY, I felt as if I were hanging off a precipice, ready to fall, ready to just let go and start floating, ready to stop fighting.
Then I felt a hand grab mine and effortlessly pull me up out of the abyss of self-centeredness. God has been so faithful, it's so unfair that I can't be the same with Him, but I've come to the conclusion that I might be even dumber than the whole entire nation of Israel, and He never gave up on them. I haven't molded any golden livestock or anything, but my heart sometimes drifts in that direction.
God is teaching me a lot, and I've been able to skooch a little closer to Him with each effort I make. He's surprisingly present, nearly tangible lately.
An example is that just today, as I seriously peruse my Facebook page for the first time in a long time (you're not a true missionary until all your friendships are maintained using this medium), I find a note. It was simple, short, referring to St. Augustine's "Love God and do as you please."
This immediately brought to mind that verse in Ecclesiastes. Funny how when God speaks we say, "And I just thought of it!" Like it was our own wisdom or something... we're so dumb sometimes. Anyway, the verse,
"Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment."
This verse always gets me thinking. Sometimes too hard... Then I recall a brief conversation I had with God only yesterday; it's one of those inner conversations. No audible voices, no pillar of fire.
So, as we're hashing things out, I'm all bent out of shape because I feel like God has given me a vision, a dream, something to stride toward for the REST OF MY LIFE. I'm excited, right?
I say to Him, "Listen, this is what I feel like is right. I want the whole world to know of your love, but I don't want to do anything about it unless I'm sure that I'm sure this is the heart behind what I decide to do."
He responds, almost nonchalantly, "Well, if that's your heart behind your decision, go ahead."
So I find out there may not be a formula for everyone, but it turns out that when I am close to God, it is true, He feeds my heart's desires, creates thoughts that wouldn't formulate by themselves, and it's actually true, that the Bible says, "Follow your heart." There's a clause though that Hollywood overlooked: "know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement."
I've even tested this theory and drawn away from God for a time... just to see. This is a dangerous feat and should not be attempted at home without adult supervision. However, guess what happened? No less than a week, and these same amazing, life-changing desires evaporated. I started panicking - and then praying.
Almost as soon as I said His Name - His glorious and powerful Name - the dreams and desires came flooding back into my heart.
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