Sometimes I have these profound experiences, fleeting thoughts with this deep sense of "that's a person." Nine girls. Several co-servants. Four bosses. Students. Children. Teachers. Adults from every imaginable background. Different doctrines. Varying opinions. Shallow people. People who feel deeply. Loving people. Proud people. Hard people. Every day.
To anyone considering full-time missionary work, or even just dealing with low-key life, and seeking advice, I'd say, "Empty the trash." Dealing with people in "real life" is hard enough. Dealing with incredibly messy people from whom you have no escape on a daily basis, that's called voluntary emotional maltreatment. There are two seperate and distinct "Christian" ways to deal with this phenomenon:
1) Not say anything and believe yourself to be the most humble, patient, and saintly person ever to breathe this world's air, thus developing the lovely characteristics of being pompous, pious, and proud.
2) Empty the trash.
By that I mean, give it to God. I'm slowly arriving to the absolute truth that once offered to God, our desires, anger, resentment, impatience, boredom, this act of "emptying" ourselves out to God will end with a sense of completeness, fullness, freedom, even joy (sufficiently considered, this is a very potent word).
The common argument is that "we're only human."
As Christians we're more than conquerers. As Christians we're called to be more. We are expected - even by the secular onlookers - to live above reproach (to have nothing to accuse us of). Why? It doesn't seem fair. After all, we're only human. Or are we?
Phillipians 2:5,12
"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus... for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."
It's not fair. It's not fair that God had to die for my sick and twisted side - both of them. It's not fair that the majority of this world dies for the hardness of their hearts. It's not fair that even when life is offered, it is in the same moment rejected. It's not fair that God, the very source of love, is the least loved Being that can be found within and without the realm of time.
Once we say "yes" to Christ the question is no longer about "fair." The question is whether making room for God, by emptying the trash and letting Him govern your soul, your desires, your life, is the only way to fill yourself with life-giving purpose.
To be clear, that feeling, that frustrating sensation that you could be more, do more, that you should try something new so that maybe this feeling will go away, the sense even in the happiest person of boredom with life is still there. Even if it is only felt in secret, if you never admit that you feel that something is missing, that there's more... It's there. Lurking.
I've concluded that feeling never goes away.
Even when you meet Him, even when you know Him, even when you pursue Him with every part of your being. It NEVER GOES AWAY.
Why? Why does this life still lack so much?
Because this is not home. We were created for something more, but we ruined it. Now our only recourse is to hope. Believing that God will make us whole in the end. Entering into His throne room will not bring fear and trembling so much as awe and the fully realized sense of FILLED.
There will be nothing left to attain, no ambition, no competition, no temptation, no sorrow. Only fullness. In every sense. Nothing will be left out. We will not arrive and say, "But what about ___?" All things will be revealed, especially our vain pursuits to try to fill ourselves with God-knows-what.
Arriving Home, the emptiest soul is the one that I believe will have less to lament. The one that is full of those things that we stored up in our hearts, for many it will likely be pride: "But look how I behaved in X situation, it was highly Christ-like of me, no?" "I was so patient with person A, I bet that will get me a big ol´ crown in Heaven."
Check yourself. Empty the trash. It's the only way to fully live, now and forever.
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