Personal log: Star Date: NeverEnding

This is an encouraging note, I promise. I'm in an endless cycle of realizing that I'm horribly hopeless. Sometimes people have to tell me I'm a mess, or messy, or messed up. Most of the time I can pretty much figure it out on my own.

Now comes the good news. 

I got downright depressed when I heard today that I should be the happiest person ever because I love Jesus, or maybe its because He loves me, or that I have hope in Him. Either way, ever since I was little, my mom always called me her "melancholy baby." Well now, my personality since childhood is a disgrace to my Namesake!

The point I want to make, friends, is that sometimes I deal with the same stuff as when I was 5 or 15 or 25, and I'm willing to bet the person sitting next to you on the bus, at church, or across the cubicle farm are in the same boat as me. Let's be honest, you are too. 

The REAL good news is, God knows. 

Friends, this is the only truth that resonates with me lately.

 He knows. And not only that, I'm convinced that He's behind most of it.  I'm becoming aware of His tactic to get my attention: make everything go wrong, then people will start to point out her shortcomings, then she'll stop long enough to pay attention to what it is I'm trying to make her understand.

The good news sticks with me. He knows. He'll still be there if I lose a job or a friend. And I hear the voice of wisdom whisper, Don't be dumb. Instead of accepting these things as "just who I am"  - I seek Him so He can redesign me, redefine me. And  maybe, as the Psalm goes, He'll also give me favor with men.

For now I'm toast. I just feel done.