the beginnings of the ends

I feel I've handled these past few weeks with grace and patience and I have been in a state of awe and frustration at the same time with this city. I don't try toooo hard to meet people, and it isn't difficult to say "hola" to anyone in class or anything, but it is incredibly easy to never say it again once you say good-bye. I think I wrote once or twice about good-byes and I hate to sound redundant, but it seems to be a repeating pattern in my life here.

I decided to take this trip admittedly due partly to one of the greatest good-byes of my life and since then I've said less-and-less difficult good-byes, yet they are still hurtful. I think I am either hardening myself to the harsh reality that says you can't know anyone forever anymore. If we think hard enough about it there are millions of people who even promise to know each other forever by way of marriage and, still, 10 years later they are saying good-bye to each other. If we think even harder, those two words could very well be the worst two words to have to say to anyone you love. They mean well. They are the polite thing, the right thing to say... at the same time they are sometimes the meanest, cruelest, hardest thing to say.

Last week I said good-bye to a good friend. Granted he was a friend for only a short time, and I had only seen him really for a summed total of maybe 40 hours, but the day came when we were no longer looking forward to seeing each other during our journeys. When that day did finally come my revelations about good-byes came to me and this blog became a work-in-progress. Good-byes these days throw me off for days at a time. I become slightly cranky, a bit irritable, and sometimes in a slump that people don't know what to do with.

I met two of the best personalities here as well - I call them my two best buds. The day will come when we too will say good-bye and I am even now trying to prepare for that day. One sad fact about me is that I wear my heart very nearly literally on my sleeve. Because of this personality flaw I become affectionate, attached and too close too quickly to those I am drawn to.

The other day I met another kind soul who I know will become a close friend here and I know - because I am me - that I will slice off another chunk of my heart, dripping just a little more bloody love on my sleeve, and soon thereafter say good-bye, shed a tear or three and move on.

And so begins the story of a string of endings: my life. The end of eras, the end of friendships, the end of love, the end of Argentina, the end of youth, the end of unforgettable experiences...

Good-bye