Aw geez, not again...

I thought now that it has had time to sink in and seep out again I'd talk a little more about my beloved country, México. I went, it conquered me, and I left with everything. I haven't had a chance to really write my feelings on the subject. I suppose feelings are a real bore to most readers, but hey, I'TS MY BLOG!

First, I want to talk about honesty. In Mexico I was really working hard to deceive myself into thinking the things I have wanted the most were what I really wanted. The biggest example would be Argentina. I'm pretty sure Argentina was an experience that changed my life. It's enchanting, I love the city, I love the country! I love the ocean... I didn't feel like it was mine. I didn't feel that my spirit could connect onto anything... like a slippery ship deck when it's sinking... you want to grab onto something, anything, you would be happy with a thread of resistance before you feel you're going to fall in the water and struggle, kick, flail, until the end. That's a pretty bleak picture of what a beautiful, enchanting place could be for a person, but if I were honest with myself, I would have known that the ship isn't in my future.

Interesting... I thought I was going to talk about México...

Let's talk about humility. I realized on this trip to my homeland that I can be, sometimes, possibly, a bit ... self-righteous and proud. This trip helped me to realize that problem, if not cured me of it. There were two, if I may say, three very beautiful young girls on this trip... to begin, and to be honest, I may have had a little crumb of jealousy towards them. I had brought my dingiest T-shirts and warmest sweaters and they brought half of Vogue magazine and Revlon's complete collection. Needless to say, they were cute and I was not, but in the same moment I would think, "wow they are so vain," I would also be thinking, "I should have brought mine." I struggled with my conscience about it, and struggled with a few mean-spirited comments like, "you're so vain." Eventually, I stopped, I should have apologized, but sometimes the truth rings true even if it is spoken meanly... again, I'm still struggling with this a bit.