what's that you say? Pride? No, not me.

Pride. Lately this has been a tricky subject for me. You know the saying, "Pride always comes just before a fall" ? Well, I think that my greatest fear should be falling. I'm going to be honest with you, humility is not something that I wear well. I don't know how! I wish that I could somehow simply "get it," and go on, in perfect humility. And then I think of how great I would be if I were humble and perfect... I think there is a vicious cycle here and that I should learn to jump off that proverbial merry-go-round. In my recent self-searches I've begun to see who it is I really am inside, not only as a person, but as a Christian. Whoa, it's not pretty. I think the most important thing is to conquer pride and be able to really say that I value my brothers and sisters more than I do my own life, and that I should now more than ever esteem them as above me in every respect. This, my brothers and sisters, is easier said than done. I feel like a jerk for having said even a few words - even if they were out of concern - with respect to the situations of a couple of friends of mine. I know how I would feel if my friends were concerned about me in the same way -- "Emily is beginning to drink too much," or "Emily is a really depressing person to be around." I would not feel like that friend cared about me, in fact I would feel that this friend in particular thought that she was better than me and esteemed her character as better or above my own. It's easy to talk. It's not so easy to face myself in the mirror and say, "I love my brothers and sisters, and I would do anything to humble myself for their benefit."

This is a struggle for me. I'm actually praying for a way that God could provide a humbling situation, a moment where I realize that nothing is about me, and nothing can be done without the help of others or my God. I'm praying for not only humility, but a monumental space in time where I am shown how to wear this new hat.