4:30a.m. and nowhere to go

I always wondered why some of my friends said they couldn't sleep simply because they had a lot on their minds. Tonight, the wondering stops. I have a lot on my mind and I can't sleep. I've tried getting tired, I've tried changing the subject in my brain, I've tried MSNing till 2:30... I've even tried exercising! Nuthin.

What's on my mind you say? In a word, everything; in a few words, really only two things: Argentina and Mexico. It's like a book I can't put down! I stimulate my brain with one chapter (Argentina) and then just when I think I've exhausted the thought, I move on to the next chapter (Mexico) and the cycle continues for hours! I've been thinking in my head why I was so disappointed with Buenos Aires, because I thought that I was... and now I can't bring myself to think of more than one lousy reason: I was lonely. Worst of all, I was lonely and I made the wrong friends in the beginning and I ended up wandering the city some days for hours wollowing in self-pity while convincing myself that I could have a great time alone.... the loneliness was relieved once in a while, mostly at around 10:30p.m. every night after the month of May. In short, I didn't give it a chance! I feel bad about it and now I'm finding myself fantasizing about a return visit and doing it "right" this time... I can't help but think that most fantasies stay in their fantasy stage forever, but then, some don't. I feel like a teenager.

Then I think of Mexico. That lovely city for which I will trade Buenos Aires for a time, Puebla. I daydream about perfect spanish (ha!), the kids and I playing dominoes, me suddenly learning to sing or play piano for church, improving as a person, which according to my last post should be a high priority...

I realize now that my love for Mexico won't change if I think Buenos Aires was probably the best time of my life so far... I think in the beginning I felt like I was "cheating" on Mexico, but now I understand that Mexico is more like my grandmother, she will always be there and no matter what I go through in life I'll always come back for her. Argentina is a lot like a Summer love... pretty much unforgettable.